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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Indie Ink Writing Challenge

may2011 016

I used the prompt to add a part of Chapter to a novel I am already writing. The emptiness and tedium of the sound of the word prompt was tempting. Ugh has both positive and negative uses
My subject matter is not G rated. If you are under the age of eighteen, I advise you do not to read as the fictional characters talk about drugs.
“Ugh.” is my prompt. 
***
   “Do you want to make some real money Seth?” Joe stands in a black jacket with padded shoulders.
   “Ugh?”
   “I have this buddy who pays for delivery. It is a drive to Miami. Tell your parents you are going on a school field trip or one of those fancy away swim competitions.”
   “My parents don’t care what I do, as long as I don’t talk to them.” Seth answers.
   “Being uninterested is better than a Mom who screams all the time.”
   “Mine just fight with each other.”
   “Can you leave tonight? “
   “No problem. What are we transporting? What is my cut?”
   “Hash. You can have a piece of the action.” Joe puts his palm down from his extended arm. The hand curves as in the statue of Poseidon. The gesture tells Seth not to ask.
   “How are we doing this?” Seth presses him.
   “ I know this guy who is a longshoreman at the docks. Some other people smuggle it into containers.”
   “Where?”
   “It is Broussard Port Everglades, South Florida, where the cruise and cargo ships come in. It is a long drive, one thousand two hundred miles. I can fill you in along the way.”
   Seth walks behind Joe his upper body strutting. Seth occupies more space than before.
   “When do we leave?”
   “Soon. Come on let’s go in here, I need something.” Joe puffs his jacket. He points to the door of a hardware store. “Let’s split up.”
   Seth sees a pair of steel-toed boots sitting on top of stacks of cardboard boxes. The leather is soggy red brown with a notched storm welt. They are size ten, “perfect.” Seth speaks quietly. He looks over his shoulder. Seth puts the boots under his jacket. He steps first with his left foot. Outside the glass double doors, he feels cooling air on his skin. He waits for Joe. His back leans on the unreinforced masonry. He admires the water resistance and electrical shock-proof boots by spitting on the soles. Seth Christens the pair for fortune.
   “Why did you lift those ugly shoes?” Joe startles Seth with a poke.
   “I ‘dunno, just seemed like a good idea at the time.”
   “Look what I got, a .32 short.” The gun still has a price tag on the revolver. Joe opens the barrel. He looks down the solid tunnel. “Didn’t get any ammo, the sales clerk was watching.”
   At 3:00 AM Joe shuts the car’s engine off. He coasts his Impala onto Seth’s driveway. He does not to disturb the family. The sky is indigo. The bitter air seeps into Joe’s bones. He shrugs. Seth walks in the new boots kicking from his hips, toes east and west. His collar is up to hide the cystic boil on the back of his neck. Seth did not have time to lance it with one of the stainless diabetes lances. In his pocket wrapped in sterile foil is a metal sword. The pointed piece of surgical steel encased in plastic is usually used to puncture the skin on one’s finger to take a blood sample. This lancet Seth will use to make a small incision, to drain the acne cyst later. He took a box from his father, the Doctor’s office.
   “I brought some Quaaludes for the trip.”
   “I have some speed and pot. That should do. All we need is some girls.”
   “What do we need girls for Joe?”
   “Entertainment. This is a boring drive. A chick might end your virginity.”
   “I’m no virgin.”
   “Right. Sing it.”
   “I know what you mean about uninteresting, my whole life is dull.”
   They head out on South 476 and on to I-95 south towards Baltimore. Seth watches the moon waning from his leather passenger seat. They are silent. Seth moves the electric window down. He lets his hair spin in the wind. At their first stop for gas, they spot three teen girls waiting outside. They are trying to score some alcohol.
   “Can you buy us some vodka?” The heavy set one asks.
   “I’m only seventeen, no I.D.” Joe’s lips part. He gives the fat girl his row of white teeth.
   She is charmed by the tall V shaped Joe. She giggles. She turns to her two friends. They reapply chap-stick and huddle towards him.
   “But I can get you some anyways.” Joe goes into the station. He takes the hand of the big boned teenager tenderly. He nabs a bottle of Popov, “you beautiful ladies ‘been partying last night?”
   She puts her big toe curled inward as a coryphée might circle behind, “yeah we are supposed to be at a religious camp for the weekend. We snuck out. We can’t find anything to do.”
   “Come on with us to Miami.”
   “Why are you going there?” She looks into Joe’s sapphire eyes.
   “Dropping sonny boy at college.” Joe lies.
   Some gasoline spills on Seth’s hands. He wipes his fingers in the rain on the passenger window. He swiftly pulls the aldehydes through his nostrils.  Seth opens the door for the plump girl to take shotgun.
***
copyright Caroline Gerardo May 15 2011
Indie Ink Writing Challenge

11 comments:

Alyssa said...

very nice! that challenge could have gone anywhere, and where you took it was very interesting. welcome to the challenge! stick around :)

Mandy said...

Wow! I want to read the rest of the novel now! I agree with Alyssa - stick around! I want to read more!

Dafeenah said...

I would have found this prompt extremely challenging. Too many possibilities. You did an amazing job!Very well written.

melissa said...

what a fun challenge! i love how your dialogue flows so effortlessly, that's one of my issues with my own writing. i'm very curious to see how the rest of the novel plays out...so hurry and get writing. and of course...post it here!

Caroline Gerardo said...

Melissa some dialogue tips:
Listen to a variety of "talkers" at a coffeehouse. Go ahead and evesdrop. We tend to interrupt each other in natural speech. This does not convey well in writing. I think of characters as the way they move when they speak- as if their brain, jaw, and presence have an accent.

Caroline Gerardo said...

Thank you Dafeenah Mandy and Alyssa.
Ugh brings up images- gross- yucky- bored- don't care- bodily fluids- just a sounds to fill the space- a question mark- a way to break silence- a lack of real human connection- or a reach to be heard- it is a complex word. I tried to pull all those things together.

Marian said...

love it! yeah, i'd read your novel, for sure. and i am a proponent of more R-rated challenge posts! yay!
[p.s. hey, can i tell you? i find it very hard to read your words, the bright white smallish font on the black background. call me an old lady, but the whole thing swims in front of my eyes. you committed to your white on black? just saying :)]

Caroline Gerardo said...

Marian I think you are right about the black and white, but I still like the moody contrast. Perhaps I try big 'old Garamond 14 point.
This is why I wear coke bottles in front of my regular glasses.
I put my disclaimer about the topic being at the minimum PG-13 +

Yve said...

I'm all for drug use, so I'm glad my prompt to you inspired the mention of it. Welcome to the challenge!

janani said...

What a wonderful response. You have a great writing style and I want to read more of your novel. I agree with Melissa's comment - your dialogues does flow effortlessly. I struggle with dialogue myself.

Caroline Gerardo said...

Lazidaisical happy you were not offended. Was thinking I might have to do some bowing and apologizing for being myself.
Janani thank you. Practice dialogues: write short fiction only in dialogue- read it out loud- draw pictures of characters communicating -act out how your character might use their hands to speak- try physical methods and visualize speech. Put your fingers on your lips and feel how your character's lips move when you read the words. Try not to interrupt them - the characters will just start talking. Sounds nutty but try anything