Monday, January 31, 2011

C. G. Picture

Sharing a photograph my daughter took of me speaking to a friend in a crowd Saturday. I was happy to see old friends. She grabbed a moment where I am speaking and moving.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Writing from my Bird House

I have ghostwritten three novels, and hid under the name the-loanlady as a personal blog for years.

Releasing something with my own name feels like I am mowing the lawn naked. I am ready. Being ready is everything I always say.

Before I feared retribution from my employer, or distain from those who only casually know me but I was protected under a baby blanket. If a critic called it garbage, the story was not all my own and I could run from worry having been paid per word. This time around I am writing with my own voice. I am running full speed next to the freeway sometimes without spell checking as it is broken on the desktop MAC. Will I have distainful nasty critics? Yes I believe so. Will some mad stalker send me emails, I hope not.

" Writing from my Bird House"  copyright Caroline Gerardo 2011

Opening our computer to be vulnerable and public when we sit in our home is modern experience. I am ready.

Touching the Past

I feel pain on my lips. The upper is not cracked or bleeding, the scar tissue is from the grief.

How long must I pull thorns from my fingers? Is there a measurement when I stop

missing you?

Did my father die yesterday or in the Devonian Period? In dreams, he is a young man foretelling me things.

I awaken. I write down a yellow stained notepad next to my bed. After little sleep in the morning I can’t read the language. The handwriting is poor from no glasses and clouded moonlight.

I started sleeping with the blinds wide open. This allows peeking reflections off the swimming pool or the surf. When I wake up at two and three and four I look over on your pillow and you are not there with your hands on your chest. I prefer my earlier magic trick of just going back to sleep and seeing you in my head wound.

Touching the Sky

Photograph: Touching the Sky

Caroline Gerardo ©copyright 2011

Saturday, January 29, 2011

When I Fall In Love With a Character

"Tattoo Evil  Heart"

I am eighty percent complete of first draft of SETH, my next novel. It originally was a short story but now at 159000 words, I have some slashing to do on the next go around.

I started with this evil, psychopath who murders a young girl. Inspired by a true story close to me.

Seth is a lazy egocentric young man. I first wrote about him thinking back years ago when my house in Mount Washington was broken in to by the Night Stalker (I was not home at the time may he got in ....).  The story is about those around him who fail - who never listen- who don't step up. Then I wanted to get inside why a person would become so bad to the center. I find I have mad excuses for my imaginary guy and this too troubles me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Ghost Image
photograph © by Caroline Gerardo


Themes: absurdity blank empty lack feeling light dark black sleep death friendship sad religion existential absurdist

What Meursault does not do?

He is not sure if she died today or yesterday

Puts Mother in an old people’s home rather than traditionally taking care of her because he claims he cannot afford to care for her.

Borrows arm band and black tie

Sleeps on the way sleepy during and after

Goes to her funeral without much planning

Doesn’t care about crying woman or coughing he dozes

Wears inappropriate clothing

Sleeps in the vigil- supposed to be awake grieving

Does not kiss Mother Goodbye

Does not greet any of the mourners

Does not act kindly to her “boyfriend “Perez who is grieving and unable to keep up

Blood red earth spilling over Maman’s casket

Happy to go home

Goes swimming

Sexual desire for Marie in water – makes “love”

Bored after sex goes to see a comedy movie

Watches the street removed stranger to the world events below

Detachment- “nothing had changed”

Washing hands compulsion about towels

Salamano beats mangy dog

Raymond talks but M. does not care

Raymond bully to revenge Arab girlfriend- hurt her


Beats girlfriend wants to trap her as a prostitute for no reason

Has M write fake letter

Marie asks, “If I loved her. I told her it didn’t mean anything.” P35

Raymond beats Arab girl

M is hungry= so apathetic

Raymond wants to go to a brothel to relieve his tension after beating exgirlfriend

M gets drunk

Raymond asks him to write a letter to hurt her M says no but does it anyways

Then they are “pals”

Makes love with Marie but doesn’t love her just likes the sex

Raymond beats the Arab girlfriend and M does not want to call the police

Salamano’s dog runs away “bastard dog”

M hears Salamano crying through the door- thinks of Maman

Boss offers M a promotion job in Parsi – “all the same to me” “people never change their lives” p41

Boss says “I had no ambition”...” I learned very quickly none of it really mattered.”p41

Marie “asked me if I wanted to marry her. I said it didn’t make any difference to me and that we could is she wanted to.” P41

He has “no way I could know about that.” P 42 she asks does he love her

Dinner Celeste’s alone old woman sits with him at random- eats fast- writes bill- writes radio programs she will listen to for the week- “robot-like” life

Salamano – “get another dog” p44

Salman got dog after his wife died who S. was not happy with to fill the loneliness he got the dog that he beats “no cure for old age” p45- M acts bored yawning always tired

Handshake- scale- no connection p46

“Funeral face” p 47 she wears white

M lies to police as witness

Arabs following Raymond

Happy p 50

Heat sun ocean- passive “I wasn’t thinkib about anything, because I was half asleep from the sun beating down on my bare head.” P55

Arabs confront the Masson punches one and knocks him face down in the water- Raymond’s has a knife- cuts Raymond- the Arabs run- arm and mouth. Masson takes Raymond to DR. Raymond goes back to the hot beach to find the Arabs. “There was nothing but sun and silence,” p 55

“Take him on man to man and give me your gun” p57- drunk and hot

“To stay or to go, it amounted to the same thing.” P57 M does not want to climb the stairs

Arab lying down laughs

Heat – shoots the guy- then 4 more

Doesn’t care about an attorney

Magistrate asks him to plead to God for forgiveness he is passive Antichrist

Dark cell

Sees Marie as beautiful and fails to tell her

Killing time p 78- withdrawals to silly details

Newspaper about Czech man who surprises his mother and sister who beat him to death


Court uncaring they analyze his lack of caring as cold-blooded intentional murderer- premeditated murder

“Emptiness of a man’s heart…becomes an abyss threatening to swallow up society.” P101

During the trial for his life he daydreams about the ice-cream vendor

Refuses chaplain refuses God

“I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world” p122

Is he stoic or stone hearted?

In the end, he is conscious of the world from which he is apart

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

4000 words in a bucket this with 4000 words

Mortgage Meltdown Words

subprime mortgage, banking, foreclosures, paper money, monetary policy, recession, money supply, money supplies, federal reserve crisis, federal reserve bank, money debt, monetary, the fed, economic crisis, federal reserve conspiracy, expansionary monetary policy, bailout, bank failures, international monetary system, financial crisis, federal reserve, financial meltdown, debt money, fractional reserve banking system, monetary system, fiat money, fractional reserve banking, monetary systems, the federal reserve system, u.s. monetary system, fractional reserve lending, the monetary system, fractional reserve, world money supply, global recession, causes of financial crisis, monetary policy tools, total money supply, fractional reserve system, global economic crisis, economic meltdown, global financial crisis, world monetary system, money as debt, bank bailout, debt based monetary system, current financial crisis, fractional banking system, debt based money, end the fed, fractional reserve banking definition, causes of global financial crisis, fractional reserve banking explained, fractional reserve banking fraud, make money supply, money supply growth, fiat currency, current money supply

Writing is not the path of least distance

Pierre Fermat wrote his theorem in the margin of a mathematics book, he could show it to be true if only he had more room.

I went to Atlanta for Christmas filled with hope. I got those acrylic nails put on to look beautiful for Tony, and no one noticed that I haven’t worn them in three years. The nails are half way grown out so now they ache when I bump them. On Sunday I cut them down to the ends of my fingers and tried to sand them with a nail file, but mostly picked them off. They hurt and look like shredded plastic bags.

A month has passed since that trip. My heart aches with my fingers. I have worked harder than ever- getting up at five and writing for two hours, then a run then an hour more, next bath go to work- the money making one. A long day at the bank.

Went to the farmers market for all organic vegetables on Sunday. Make delicious dinner each night for the children then four more hours writing. Disciplined to get my 4000 words a day or more on the novel has paid off. First draft is nearly complete. But still, my fingers hurt and my heart wakes me up at night when I have dreams missing him.

If only I had more time, I could prove it all to be true. Back to my list. Keep marching. No time no room in the margins for being blue.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My Russian is very Rusty

Добро пожаловать читателей из Росс
Dobro pozhalovatʹ chitatelyeĭ iz Rossii                                                                          writing

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Thesaurus Project: the word Light

The word:     light


Synonyms: ablaze, aglow, bright, brilliant, burnished, clear, cloudless, flashing, fluorescent, glossy, glowing, lambent, lucent, luminous, lustrous, phosphorescent, polished, radiant, refulgent, resplendent, rich, scintillant, shining, shiny, sunny, unclouded, unobscured, vivid, well-lighted, well-lit
ultraviolet, moon, blub, candle, shine, sparkle, traffic light, fire, visible, white, infrared, lamp, optics, sight, refraction,

faint faded

no load,  no cargo,  frivolous, skinny, thin, not heavy, ....

chance, happiness, chance,
light hair, blonde, fair, white, not....
loose, like bad moral fiber women..., without virtue
hot warm tan
Main Entry: light

ablaze, aglow, bright, brilliant, burnished, clear, cloudless, flashing, fluorescent, glossy, glowing, lambent, lucent, luminous, lustrous, phosphorescent, polished, radiant, refulgent, resplendent, rich, scintillant, shining, shiny, sunny, unclouded, unobscured, vivid, well-lighted, well-lit

Come on now help me tonight this one is difficult - verb noun adjective....

Technicolor Changes The Wizard

Wilted peonies from Joan's on Third. Funny how color in a photograph translates a totally different message.

 It is the same with picking just the right word when struggling with my novel. I want to make the character I am engrossed in the writing, Seth have some redeemable quality- (he's a lying, murdering, frankenstein). How do I explain he is tender when he lightly puts someone "down" -- ?


Drove By the Golden Globes Filming

Images are a little boring. We didn't get to see any glamourous gowns.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Novel Release February 1, 2011

Epublishing + Smellavision?

If Borders goes out of business, I assume Barnes and Noble will pick up locations that don't duplicate their own map. Independent bookstores might
gain some speed as well. I believe that epublishing will out run the brick and mortar retail store, but there is nothing as wonderful as browsing a bookstore and looking at the covers. Epublishing needs to add the smell of paper to really get it right. Can you imagine a world without physical books?

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Reading: The Moonstone

Wilkie Collins novel was recommended to me by a friend who read my Greed story. I had not read The Moonstone, and my story has a jewel that carries a history perhaps of negative luck. The writing has me in 1887 right now with a cup of tea. I give it a 99 so far- on the wine spectator scale....

Friday, January 14, 2011

Writing Like a Wheel

Not a Stone Age Wheel, but one where I have to grind as a mortar every day to produce more pages. Writing takes work every day. I am looking foward to a three day weekend to crunch out pages on my novel "Seth." Wish me strenght.


What do James Patterson, John Grisham, and Tim Geithner all have in common? They all have a ghostwriter in common.  To create novels, books and fiction as fast, you need a writer

Thesaurus Doesn't Give Enough Word Choices

Words for    RED

My own Thesaurus


Author: caroline gerardo

Please feel free to add more

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Caroline Gerardo: Working on my Next Novel - Location rural Georgia

Caroline Gerardo: Working on my Next Novel - Location rural Georgia

Working on my Next Novel - Location rural Georgia

Reasons Why I Love the South:
Plastic Chicken Used as Scarecrow in The Vegetable Patch. Or is she just welcoming all those weaver finches on the fence to come down and play with her polymer pullets?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Strands Saturday 92677

Carson Blair and I are running together again. We had fun playing at Strands at sunset yesterday. Would someone please tell the Developer who is now Bankrupt that Strands is named because of the long ribbons of seaweed- it it not called The Strand.