Resolution

New Year's Resolution

Dating sites don't bring relationships, the sea of attention fills a birdbath the size of the Pacific Ocean called a heart. No, that sounds bitter, there are nice people on there, I'm a crummy picker.

An adult relationship stalls when the one party fails to introduce their children or include holidays or is often sick at the last minute, too many rain checks is a bullhorn.

Years of caring wore my boots, soles have holes and stitches in the sides, they leak rose lake. Work boots need softening. Step on summer rocks and frozen puddles makes leather fit around your bad toes. The nail of the big toe becomes ingrown from repeated pounding. A heifer gave her hide for riding boots. It’s not the climb uphill that breaks a soul, it’s the down curves when sliding on clay kills.

It’s a spell arriving. Butterfly lighting is a trick to make a portrait flattering. Shade wrinkles with light. Recite poetry in the cabin, say the rosary to the cows bellowing on the hillside while I garden, and no longer wear makeup on the weekends or spend money on packaged beauty products. Rose petals, lavender pods and organic herbs are in my secret creams.

Haze grew after your infidelities. Stool too close to a pink sweater in the bar. Incoming nasty messages and hacked places I frequent.

You cried. Things warmed for a moment, then returned to amusement park physics. Everyone said to give it up. But I'm no quitter.

I lied to myself about the joy verses pain scale, then I decided your dip in dots were too expensive and I am cheap. I don’t feel better, the future this opens a place for a partner to come in who treasures me. Time doesn’t heal, don’t let them tell you that garbage. Our minds play tricks to create new wiring and life circuits are busy. I'd pray for wisdom; but, the God I believe in doesn't get involved in changing events in our lives on earth. Free will to love, free will to miss, free to hike on.

 I hold you in highest regard and wish you well.

New Year is a clean start. Time for me to care for myself.

Carole Stevenson

 -  Shared publicly

I know this man. As a woman I am so sorry. It took me 12 years to move Paul McCarthy  on. Eclipse Messenger   You must know there is a third and fourth woman involved - lookup Mary Joe or M J Stackhouse 

Garden Loved Sestina

Garden Loved Winter Fruit

                    Sestina 

Day Linda writes zero degrees without attention.

His awful silence saws her spine as sinewy knife.

Despite prayers / absolution, superstitions grow.

Dig trenches for olive tree wind break in garden.

Does future Ouija press oil to help blisters heal?

"Do time in her wrinkles," says the cruel mirror.

Daybreak french braid tresses without mirror.

Sections combine, hold steady pays attention.

Sing over under olly olly return sunshine heal.

Sound echos pain, rubber band clangs a knife.

Sage drys, aloe bubbles, salves in the garden.

Seeds of forget me not's barb sanguine grow.

Scorpion grass hitch - hikes on souls to grow.

Don't turn your jaw look upon a winter mirror.

Damn ghosts steal prism light in zen garden.

Done recall the man's text detailing attention.

Dead memory on dry hands balances a knife.

Dregs starved, mud evaporates, tears to heal.

Nights crack because grief therapy can't heal.

Tendril connection bind, cease mind to grow.

Terror think to escape the love of your knife.

Teach Linda to sway joy angle for the mirror

Talk kind, become: don't care girl; attention.

Taste chocolate tomatoes warm in our garden.

Bury your discarded fire ashes in the garden.

Broken urine combines with nitrogen to heal.

Behold: circumnutation coils for attention.

Bold Coral Bells Passion Vine starts to grow.

Become Artesian well of citric acid in mirror.

Marigold pyretherum cores bugs with a knife.

They tell you its time to put down the knife..

They irrigate, pour chloramine on the garden.

To be you, ball gown gorgeous in that mirror.

Think about the steps the feet dance to heal.

Those corns, old blisters from work grow.

Touch her  heart  with  listening attention.

Knife cuts out nonsense  about attention.

Garden winter fruit cures, satin time to grow.

Mirror mercury glass water logged to heal.

Caroline Gerardo

copyright December 2, 2016

Dedicated to Elaine, Lainey, Lucy, Carolyn, Kait,
Maggie all wonderful Poets

Why

be kind life is short

Why

Why 

Americans open potty mouth 
Elections bring out worst 

unfriend them on Facebook, but

eat their homemade cookies;

but curse their mother-

 your freedom words online

let loose your filter. 

Century wood stove flings

burning shit on their name.

Why?

Car cut you off Nürburgring?

Hail horn, pull out a 22 bought

from rude Cabela's clerk.

You said "go fuck hell."

Okay, your grammar faults,

ask for a case for the gun 

because you're entitled.
Clerk goes home hungry from his
minimum wage job.

Why?

Dog on internet snuggles a baby, 

makes tears come out; but a child 
flooded, homeless, kidnapped, 
orphaned by bombs...

skepticism stops you from typing, 
"What do you need?
Give 50 cents to corrupt Red Cross.

Why ?

Dog has a heart.

Your core has love let it out,

empathy grows aching,

no-one taught chase 
a ball with 'fever love:

clean water, education, safe.

You know answers

 ready to show,

not cop out, say, "I'm

voting and reading words," 
because every step

 we Must ask:

WHY?

Saudade

Saudade missing ~ echoes of your footsteps gone ~ bees humming in heart. #haiku

carolineauthor

Saudade a Portuguese and Galician word for longing for someone or some past event that I was fond of which is now lost. It has closure. The object of missing may never return. The love that remains, and the love that stays after someone is gone. In love relationships we nurture and the other may leave out of balance. Our children we care for must go to find their destiny. When a dear one passes away the feeling as if they were calling us in the hour before we wake. 

Hold fragile shells for me.

Caroline Gerardo

copyright August 6 2016

Honey is Gone

Moved, down sized, changed compass.

Wild.

National Forest, mountains, ranches are home.

Goodbye nightly aroma of beach fires- 

pallets burning... 

Flecks touch the surf.

Visit ocean.

It's ours.

Last night a friend left.

Loss of a family member, though

you saw her as a pet.

Goodbye tides.

Farewell cosmos.

Fifteen years of love.

Nanny to my children.

Checked safety, fixed covers,

never hated or distrusted;

but she stole underpants.

We laughed with her.

Snort at Honey jokes.

Her spirit soars.  

Swim the sea.

She's not gone.

Miss dust bunny fluffer-

nutter hair in corners.

Sounds of her toenails on

the kitchen floor, no more. 

Vacuum nose sniffing

specs of dinner gone astray,

now silent.

Golden Retrievers are from Heaven

Honey is up there, running.

When you see Honey she is kind.

A dog with truest form of love.

I wish 

I gave more treats,

paw rubs, kisses and

told her more often: 

"You are the best. 

You are beautiful.

You are my sweet."

more and more...

Sun sets,

slips behind landscape.

A gold color of Honey. 

Her tail flows in the clouds.

You are ocean.

Not a dog.

You are sea.

Swim in the kelp like when

you were young. 

Ride waves with surfers and Carson.

Dive for balls.

We love you too.

See you in Heaven mermaid pup.

Caroline Gerardo copyright May 26, 2016

Home Made Ginger Ale

 

Ginger root chlorine free water love.

Hidden potion store caught by iphone.

You might call it a subconscious selfie.

Aging women duck posing sans lipstick. 

Are you also obsessed with jihadist poison?

Epicurious ginger beer recipe soothes souls.

The root is poverty, shame, and gnarly inside.

Eating slowly they say coke dissolves a penny.

But not ginger beer secured in ancient bottles.

Probiotic magically changes like our prayers.

Chanting joy in my garden heals the earth.

Rain feeds wildflowers up in the canyon.

Have a sip and sing to overcome hate.

Caroline Gerardo copyright © April 11, 2016  Home Made Ginger Ale Poem

House Burning

Burning

Wild chicken dance.

Maui feral birds, aren't edible, neighbor speechless mess. 

Arms flap she's at my door running in circles, "house burning!"

Put down panel of glass loading in the rental.

Thick green liquid is about to go in the trunk. 

Grab tool box, "here's a crow bar, come on."

Doors locked while bacon and eggs tremble.

Fire alarm shrieks from inside the kitchen.  

Flames belly dance out of pots on the stove.

All dam doors, garage and windows secure. 

Pound out the hinge pins from patio door. 

From the plastic chair I fail without anger.

"Call 911!" I tell her. 

Eggs invisible from the outside. 

Fumes fill house, mourning doves scatter.

My iphone4 is in my car two doors down.

I smash laundry room window with the pry bar.

Icy pieces of safety glass clang. Metal scrapes the window clean.

Reach, unlock the door, sirens approach. 

Inside smoky dark I locate a fire hydrant. 

A small hand held method to end danger.

Loud male voices shout,"Who is inside?"

"Me." I'm coughing."We got it from here."

 Neighbor stands under pink blooming tree.

Dancing and muttering, "house burning."  

"No everything is okay," I say. We hug.

I pick up two of the flowers from the ground

crushed by the boots of handsome firemen, hand her one.

Perfume carried in my pocket today.

"Thanks," I say. I'm late, appointment.

 Hustle the windows for glazing repair.

Will I love neighbors when I move? 

House built of kindness and compost

Creosote rail road tie in summer sun,

community tar hangs on my day. 

Caroline Gerardo copyright April 1 2016

Not April fools - this was my morning 

Christmas letter

Dear
Must not have your correct address.
Last I wrote it returned to sender.

Taking the wallpaper down.
Endangered Lady Gouldians danced
on roses in kitchen and family room.
You hated on the toile.
Men saw it as grandmotherly.
Realtor says remove all toys.
Cried not when fingers bled,
at snow white walls superior
to silly frills that create happy.

It won't be my home anymore.
Owners mow heirloom climbers.
Petals look unruly, roll out sod.
Take photos when it's sold.

We have a tiny tree
fuller than a Charlie Brown's,
popcorn strung, cranberries
and cuties with cloves in patterns.
Quite opposite my giant jeweled
Christmas tree of gold.






In the garden hangs a popcorn ball
with peanut butter and thistle seeds.
Care for the song birds.
French braid never gets old.

Christmas wish to your happiness.
I miss you all.




My children grow stronger.
Teaching them to fly.
Academy of independence.
Keep your sense of direction.
Stay the course for joy.

With Love,
Caroline Gerardo 2015 Christmas Poem

Grateful For Glow of Love

Chat about the day.
You wait on me, dinner from La Serena grill.
Relaxation.
A movie together smolders into shared passion.
The sounds of traffic blur by the call of the surf.
Ocean dances rhythmically under the grateful firmament.
She gives Christmas lights, before the holiday, all free.
It is Fall.
Sweet gum leaves dry to take flight
only to be spilled crunchy into the fire.
We bake an atmosphere of crimson cinnamon.

I return home to an existence of frightening darkness. 

You have an early morning. 

I make my getaway on the spine of leaves 

or I will fail and stay within your rose colored bed.

Outside, the moon opens a bowl low 

waiting for the cereal of stars to fill her up. 

Dipper shines low in the northern horizon. 

Polaris finds her way over the glimmer of ocean. 

My car rear lights require new bulbs. 

Santa Ana winds whistle offshore. 

They paint the sunset dusty scarlet, 

make the night sky open deeper. 

Heaven grants seer ability to pierce through minds.

Grateful for the glow of love.

Happy Thanksgiving 

Caroline Gerardo

Paintings on left are Van Gogh Autumn Trees
The crescent moon was out over Laguna Beach last night
I wish you all a moment of reflection for the simple
gifts we are given.
Love,
C G

Family Jewels

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vulture Family Tree

 

They mate for life.

family

Mother went up for atrial stenosis surgery

UCLA sent her home

Some emergency...

Vultures soar on thermals with their kin

I see my tree moving away

After building a dynasty

abandoned

orphaned

Plucked to DNA thin.

Then Healed by time.

PTSD soldier resting on a limb.

Surrounded by almond blossoms with heady fragrance.

Perfumers’ choose frankincense, the notes sing a familiar song.

Grandma’s cologne causes sleeplessness.

I miss the girlies.

In their growth.

In their journeys.

I love them as my own

Barberries, pomegranate seeds and

chunky ruby beads repair a broken spirit.

My brother witnessed his heart on a table.

The anesthesiologist gave him remedy.

A pump kept him going.

A California condor elegy?

Find a breeding program for positivity.

 

 





Our Lady of Guadalupe Jewelry

Vulture photograph from my trip to Africa

Share Your Heart

 



Heart Snowman at Harvard Business School



Carson and Nori at Harvard Business School

Carson in front of old Stock Exchange Ticker

 

Mixed emotions of a weary  and joyful traveler.

Early November I made travel plans to take my youngest on the “college tour.” I booked flight arrangements as cheaply and efficiently as a miserly C. P A. for Boston, New York, Minneapolis, Austin and D. C. (We can drive to San Francisco)  Each stop, like a book tour,  arranged around my son's winter and spring holidays. Little did I know in November that I would overlap my chemotherapy appointments.

I am sticking to the schedule. Having a next stop gives me a light ahead. When I’m running, I make a goal on the horizon and bargain with myself to keep going until that certain tree. Breathe, do the work, and soon I find myself there. The body forgets the pain. The mind achieves the goal. The willow bends it branches behind me in inspiration.

The highlight of our journey, thus far, was seeing my sister teaching her class at Harvard Business School on Valentine’s Day. It may not be your usual expectation of romantic endearment. I was proud of her and joyful that my seventeen year old could get a picture in his mind of that tree on the horizon. What we demonstrate is more important than what we say. My greatest accomplishment is my children. 

Show  your heart today ~ snow geese guide each other well ~ fly in the first rung.

 

 

 

Kisses

Kisses for Seamus Heaney  and

another Irishman I love.

 

After Sleeping on the stairs of Notre Dame- wake stiff hipped from love,

before huddling under the Tour Eiffel break baguettes in the morning light,

 allow the crumbs to scatter like dandelion kites spreading sparks.

Put raspberries on fingertips - point as if they were wands, command them.

Moments snap past –
are they shooting stars or air support from Camp Pendleton?

Sounds of kissing before battle or passing daily gesture should be the same.

But they are not-

I make a digital image of your lips pressing upon mine.

“Baise-moi”

The French say when prone.

Holding the emotion in the circle of my palms.

I cuddle into your lean torso for safety. 

You’re a swan with a flickering of LED police lights.

Is that sand or bread crumbs in your bed?

A trick Aurora Borealis but just as magical.

Can we feed the birds the specs of joy?

Embrace me as if it is our last moment.

 

poem copyright Caroline Gerardo